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TOPIC: Self Control by Frank Ocean

Self Control by Frank Ocean 11 Sep 2016 19:58 #10150

  • haren.s
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This week, I’ve decided to share a music-related post with elements of topics related to technology and gender. A few months ago, I’ve started dating someone I casually hooked up with for a little over a year. I didn’t plan on becoming attached, but we’ve slowly started to spend the night over at each others place and became an item. Ha! How foolish of I to think a Grindr hook-up would be someone I’d ideally date, or worse, fall in love with! Anyway, after practically moving in which each other I then started to adapt to his healthy style of living—going to the gym, eating healthier, refraining from going out to party and engaging myself in outdoor activities. I was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life! I was happy because I was in love with a beautiful soul named Barry.

About a two months ago, I woke up to the sound of text message alerts on his phone. I knew his password (we knew each others passwords), so I went ahead and checked the messages. As I scrolled down the list my heart dropped, my knees went weak and head numb. I sat there crying next to him knowing he wasn’t as faithful as I thought he was—a heartless lover too quick to jump onto the next person willing to give it up on a mobile hook-up app.

Fast forward a few weeks and a Frank Ocean album purchase on iTunes, I’ve become attached to the song titled Self Control and have been listening to it when I feel like I need cope with the heartbreak. “Keep a place for me, for me / I’ll sleep between y”all, it’s nothing”(Frank Ocean) is a lyric I resonate with the most in Self Control because it describes someone who is still in love with a person who is now either in love with someone else, or sleeping with other people, but is still in love with them so much that he would settle to sleep between his former lover and his new partner, if it means being able to still be with him. “It’s nothing, it’s nothing / Keep a place for me, for me ”(Frank Ocean) denotes he’s trying to let it go, but doesn’t want to completely disappear from his former lovers life so he can only wish to still have a place in their heart. “I, I, I / Know you got someone comin’ / You’re spitting game, oh you got it”(Frank Ocean) to me, describes a scenario where you know your lover is pursuing to meet up with someone else, and you know he’ll be successful with his plan.

Given Frank Oceans bisexuality, the songs lyrics have resonated with me as a gay man because there are no indicators of what sex his lover is in Self Control. Singing along with the lyrics has been amazingly therapeutic and has helped me get over losing someone I once loved.

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The lyrics to Self Control by Frank Ocean can be found here:
http://genius.com/Frank-ocean-self-control-lyrics

A cover version is available here(the original can be downloaded on iTunes):
https://youtu.be/jyyPKWzRevo
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Self Control by Frank Ocean 16 Sep 2016 11:27 #10202

  • jiayue.s
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Hi Haren, it is a conicidence because I have also shared a song regarding homosexuality. It is also so brave and sincere of you to confess your own story and personal love life here as you can relate it to the song. I am sorry to hear that you have been fooled after your sexual encounter but I believe that there are people who are truly willing to have a serious relationship. It takes time to find true love.
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Self Control by Frank Ocean 27 Oct 2016 16:36 #10716

  • erica.p
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Hi Haren, thanks for sharing you experience. I actually had been listening to "Self Control" nonstop, since it's been out. I think Frank Ocean is brilliant in that way. In my case, knowing that Frank Ocean is bisexual, and knowing that he could be singing about a man, I can still relate because there are no indicators of gender. I was going through a hard time in a relationship-esque situation myself. I think it just goes to show how much influence and how much "good" and help music can provide, no matter the situation, and how so many people can relate to it. I hope things are better now, and have worked out for the best for you!
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Self Control by Frank Ocean 28 Oct 2016 17:51 #10730

  • Jiajun.l
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I agree with your statement. Because lots of things you write lots of detail. Why I like it? Because the movie give me lost of spiritual. That I feel the gentle and emotion in there. I am relaxing in the music. And then, I feel lots of things I need to control. The song was slow and slow, but I like it. It can help me to sleep at night. Lol. Your advice was good. I want to share with you next time.
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